My spouse’s sexual desire has completely vanished, and we haven’t been intimate for three years. Unfortunately, she refuses to seek assistance | Lifestyle and Relationships

My wife and I, both in our 50s, are generally healthy, although she deals with anxiety. Our sexual relationship used to be fulfilling, but since the birth of our teenage daughter, it has gradually dwindled. In the past three years, it has completely vanished. While I still have a strong sexual desire, my wife has expressed a complete loss of interest in sex. She has mentioned seeking help from a therapist multiple times but never follows through, lacking motivation. She feels extremely uneasy discussing sex, to the point where I hesitate to bring it up. It appears that our sexless marriage suits her well, as we are great friends and enjoy each other’s company. However, I find it frustrating that there is no discussion about the demise of our sex life, and I feel resentful that such an integral part of our relationship has disappeared. Should I accept that we will no longer have a sexual relationship, or should I persist in encouraging her to seek treatment?

Persevere. The exact cause behind your wife’s decreased libido remains unknown, but it is crucial to understand certain factors for the sake of both of you. Anxiety may be a contributing factor, along with depression, stress, hormonal imbalances, body image issues, relationship dynamics, medications, and medical conditions. One concerning point is your reference to yourselves as “great friends.” How you perceive your role within the partnership is significant, and it must be distressing for you to be labeled as merely a “friend” instead of a “lover.” Seek assistance together, avoiding assigning blame, and instead, become her partner in working towards improving the quality of life for both of you.

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